i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
