How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize