Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
accomplished twins. life is a go
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
