I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
