I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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