i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize