sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
