just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
