Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your penis caused this!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
