Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
