id be glad to
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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