The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i love accidental penises.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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