glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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