His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize