She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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