Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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