you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
