There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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