Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
