Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
