I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
