Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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