My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
