Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
