Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
