Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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