My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
