Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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