she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
