Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
