I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize