dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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