I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize