hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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