Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All the doctor said was why
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
