You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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