suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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