WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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