But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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