Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize