well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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