I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
