I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
