He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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