Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I die, sorry about rent.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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