you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
