Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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