I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
