dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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