So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
