so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
