now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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