there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
