He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
