If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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