In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
