the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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