were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
