Whod you bang
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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