he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
