Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
