I got chris browned last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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