Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
