i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
