...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
