I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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