I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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