she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
