I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
