I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize