i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
