Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
