So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
