the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
