I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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