Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
