I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
