in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
