I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would ride that face into the sunset
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
