just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
