I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
