And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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