Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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