i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
