it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
