I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
