My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
